my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
you had me at cake vodka
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
