you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
