Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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