I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
All the doctor said was why
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
