My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
