hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
