I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
And my parents said I crawled through the house
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
