We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
This is my life. Enjoy the view
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
