Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
