One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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