some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
