The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
