I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
