I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
