It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
