Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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