he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
