hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
