Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Randomize
