And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
