just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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