After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize