Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
