Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
