Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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