i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
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