between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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