Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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