i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
