Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
