she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize