just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
