he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
