drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
