So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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