I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
