smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
