my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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