What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
