Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize