do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
