haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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