he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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