planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
