You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
