Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
