My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
