what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I stole a fireplace last night.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
