i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
