Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
