You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
