ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
