College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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