Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
