Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
