farters have to be the big spoon...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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