he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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