Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
