I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
