You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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