ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
