Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
