Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
