Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
