First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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