We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize