I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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