Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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